My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
