hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
