I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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