yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
