it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
