I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My penis needs a shock collar
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
