Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
