I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
