I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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