i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
