I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
