VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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