that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
