So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
