just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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