You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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