I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
