I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
