I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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