Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
