im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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