pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
