JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
