how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
