I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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