what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
