i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
