I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
