and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
