His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
my liver is dry heaving
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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