She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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