Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
