K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
