i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
