we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
