I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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