Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
