well I can't set my house on fire every night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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