WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
