I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
