a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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