So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
