explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize