I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
