I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
