I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
