what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
