So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
