Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
