No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
