honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
