im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
