1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
