bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
