If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
