Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
